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Hood’s Winks – This, that and the other

By Ralph Hood

Some things one just knows are true, even if there is no proof…

The best sandwich in the world is made of home-grown tomato slices and too much – it must be too much – mayonnaise.

The second-best sandwich in the world is a tomato sandwich using store-bought tomatoes and – again – too much mayo.

It seems to me, that means I’m not sure I’m right, that many men – I dunno about the women – who drive Cadillacs sincerely believe that they are extremely important – much more important than the rest of us – and should be given the right of way ASAP. I have not seen this tendency among BMW and/or Mercedes drivers of either gender.

It is my opinion that computers are necessary, but purely evil. I refuse to consider any alternative.

When you look up guvmint info on a computer, it’s Katy bar the door! I spent much of the last two days looking up info on Tennessee State Parks. I will never do that again. Putting guvmint info on a computer is somewhat like turning a chainsaw over to a preteen boy with no supervision.

My beat-up, old pickup truck died dead last week. It was 20 years old, and had a coupla hundred thousand miles on it. I drove it for 18 years. It was ugly as homemade sin and covered with dents. Even the dents had dents. The paint was mostly faded off, and what paint was left was uglier than a punk rocker with terminal leprosy and a “born-to-lose” tattoo.

I kept the truck filled with oil and water. Other than that, I pretty much ignored it. The truck’s total options were air conditioning and radio. I didn’t even reset the clock for Daylight Savings Time.

We replaced the truck with a small car that gets excellent gas mileage. It has so many options that we haven’t yet figured them out.

(BTW, the dead truck has four good tires on it, in case – hint, hint – you want to get a good deal on four pickup-truck tires.)

It seems that the common cold has faded out. I thought it was replaced by flu, but lately it seems that everyone has, has had, or will have the crud. ‘Nuff said.

How many calls do you get daily that say if you want no more such calls, just press 1 on your ‘phone. We eagerly press 1 then giggle with glee, fully convinced that we have avoided a lot of calls. I hate to mention this, but I am convinced that those calls are just to see if anyone answers. Then they sell the list of “…numbers answered on a weekday at 10 a.m. in the morning.” I hope that’s not true, but fear that it is.

Finally, and more importantly, may God help the people devastated by weather or shot in Vegas.

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