Hood's Winks – Plan shows no mileage (April 29, 2015 issue)

I’ve got this idea. As many of you know, I drive a small, red, 1997 Mazda pickup. Been driving that truck since 1999, and it’s ugly as homemade sin. It may be the ugliest pickup in East TN, if not the entire state. The big dog cage in the back doesn’t help its appearance at all, nor does the big board I carry so our old dog can climb up to the truck bed.
I’ve driven that truck a lotta places where I shouldn’t have, and it’s got dings, bumps, scratches and dents all over. I’ve never—ever—had one of them fixed. The truck has had one major maintenance bill in all of those years, and that was $600. Not bad for a vehicle that has close to 190,000 miles on the odometer. It still starts at the first click of the switch without even a touch of the gas pedal.
So far, it has been truly reliable transportation, but I kinda wonder how much longer that can last. Besides, is it really still safe? Will it remain trustworthy?
And it is just so ugly.
Now, here’s my idea. I think all of you—everybody in Unicoi County—should chip in and pay for a total rebuild of my truck. It would cost but a little bit from each of you, and—voila—I could then ride in style.
I bet most (all?) of you think that’s a pretty dumb idea. After all, the truth is I shoulda taken better care of that truck. When you buy something like a truck you should plan for repair and maintenance, shouldn’t you? I didn’t, so why n the world should you pay for a rebuild?
Ah, but I have a precedent.
As you know, our entire country has an infrastructure that is falling apart. Simply put, it hasn’t been kept up over the decades, just as I didn’t take good care of my truck.
The guvmint built our infrastructure decades ago, Is it any wonder that it’s now falling apart? Wouldn’t you think that Congress should have planned and provided for upkeep and maintenance? So do I, but they didn’t.
Congress didn’t keep up our property. Our bridges, according to every news story I’ve heard, seen or read, are actually dangerous. Congress built expensive bridges to nowhere, and spent a fortune on their own perks (if Obamacare is so great, how come it’s not good enough for Congresspersons?) and their own retirement, but our infrastructure? Hey, Congress couldn’t find the money to keep it in good shape.
Now, all of a sudden, Congress is interested in our infrastructure! They say it’s time to wake up, raise taxes and fund the repair of our infrastructure. They’re even having public meetings about it to explain that we the people need to face facts and pony up more money to bring our infrastructure up to date.
Hey—doesn’t it sound just like my truck? I didn’t take care of it over the decades, so y’all should be happy to bail me out. Send all donations to me in care of The Erwin Record. And, uh, hurry it up, please.