By Ralph Hood
(Note: Wife Gail doesn’t like this column. She says it makes me sound like a grumpy old man. Hmpff! So, what else is new?)
I wonder why…
…every medical waiting room is tuned to the same program every day—the program about people trying to buy houses from people who try to sell houses. Seems like it’s always the same people selling to the same people.
…many drivers seem totally ignorant of the fact that blinkers are for use before every turn. That seems pretty basic, but some people don’t have it figured out yet, and those people always precede me at intersections.
…other drivers leave one blinker on all the time! I dunno, maybe they hang their pocket book or lunch bucket on the blinker handle—you reckon?
…so many drivers leave their headlights off when driving in the rain—particularly when they’re driving a grey car on a grey highway? Don’t they realize nobody can see them?
…when two little-old-lady drivers (they come in all ages) pull up to a stop sign at the same time from different directions, each sits and waits for the other to go first. Since they both also belong to the group that doesn’t use blinkers, neither knows which way the other wishes to turn, so they wait. I’d bet that somewhere, there are two little-old-lady drivers who have been sitting at the same stop for a week or more.
…we claim to live in a modern world in which our every wish is delivered by robotic appliances. Hey, if that’s really true, how come most of us have at least one toilet that won’t flush unless you hold down the handle? We have one of those toilets. We also have another one that won’t quit flushing unless you jiggle the handle. What are you giggling about? I bet you have one such toilet yourself!
…if we’re so all-fired modernized, then why are there any non-Phillips-head screws left in the world? The Phillips-head screw was in use when I was in high school. Obviously, we should have thrown away all other screws immediately, but we didn’t. What are we—masochists?
…kids know so much more than we do. Here’s something that I know for a fact about kids. We were young once, they will be old someday. In the meantime, we obviously know more about being young than they know about being old.
…everybody likes fancy food. No matter what the greatest chefs can dream up, they will never come up with anything that tastes better than a “home-growed” tomato sandwich with too much mayo.
Now, let it be known that in spite of all of the above, I still believe this really is a wonderful world, even if I am a grumpy old man!
So there, dadgummit!