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From the Publisher's Desk – Some settling may have occurred (April 8, 2015 issue)

Some settling may occur. Product sold by weight not volume. Limit one per customer, per day. Sender responsible for any and all taxes. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headache, unexplained weight loss, rash, fever and loss of consciousness. If symptoms persist more than 24 hours, please seek medical attention. Your call is very important to me. Press one for English. Conversations may be recorded for quality and training. Funds may not be available until next business day. FDIC insured. Product may vary by market. Not all channels are available due to black outs. I restrict limit and quantities based on sales projections. Product manufactured in a facility that also produces nuts. May contain nut or nut shells. Shown enlarged to show texture. Not actual size. Rated M for mature audiences only. Contains small parts and could be swallowed. For adult use only. Requires 6 “D” batteries, not included.
Life is so complex and manufacturers are so quick to cover themselves on all regards. I feel like I should go ahead and make some warnings concerning this newspaper. Settling may occur. Not responsible for newsprint ink smearing off on your hands. Paper cuts can occasionally happen. Some sections may be missing.
Edges may be frayed from shipping. Not responsible if you are offended, angered or shocked by the actions of anyone these articles are about. Not responsible for the death of your parakeet when this newspaper was used for lining the cage. Not responsible for your dog choking from chewing up the pages and a small piece lodging in his throat.
We do have plenty of people who can’t wait to get their local news in this paper. There are also those that faithfully read this column. Thank you. Some buy it to make sure they aren’t in it.
It is addictive. Like that bag of potato chips I keep picking up at the grocery store. I look at the size of the bag and know I’m not going to get that much out of it, but what is in it will be tasty. With potato chips always look at the bag and expect half the total capacity to be in there.
I got home recently with a bottle of Visine for allergies. I still had a small amount left in the previous bottle. With the two side by side, I could see a difference. The company had cut back on the size by one half ounce. Now that might just be a couple of drops less for me, but it would soon add up as a huge savings in the processing of millions of bottles for that company.
We see it in all products. The plastic mayonnaise jar dips in underneath. It looks like a small crater on the bottom but is not visible from top. If the company used a flat bottom it would be several tablespoons more of mayonnaise per jar, which would cost them considerably more over a year’s time.
Ice cream containers have decreased tremendously from what they were when I was a kid. Meantime, the price continues to get higher. I was looking at the “Large” eggs the other day. They appeared to be more of the “Medium” size to me.
We were having a deep discussion at church the other day after Sunday school class. It seems we always have some scientific fact to ponder during the few minutes before going upstairs for the sermon.
It was brought up that Fruit of the Loom was promoting no label in their men’s underwear now. The company is making it look as if they are doing a favor to those who wear the brand by taking out the scratchy label. The fact is, they are saving money by not producing the label, spending less for stitching and less labor in doing so. For many of us men, the label helps us get dressed in the dark.
Tissue paper was the next topic of discussion. We were obviously “on a roll” for solving world problems. But, the roll was the issue. It turns out many bathroom tissue companies are now looking into offering rolls without the center cardboard tube which makes it sturdy and stable. I can just see that saggy roll flopping around on the holder. Of course, this is another money saving option for the company.
Where will it end? T-bone steaks without the bone? Books without pages? Jackets with no sleeves? Flip flops that don’t flip or flop?
It all started years ago with the doughnut. Why did it need a hole in the middle?
How many times have you been putting together one of those “simple” furniture pieces that come in a flat box? Somehow it is supposed to miraculously make a shelf or entertainment center or desk. More times than not some small parts are missing. They may not be too crucial but they all add up.
Let’s be aware. Our parts are being taken away from us gradually and in small amounts. Somewhere, someone has a stockpile of the extra pieces. I think it may be in the government’s secret Area 51. It may soon be full with extra underwear labels, tissue supports and doughnut holes.