By Ralph Hood

Gail and I have been on a cruise and we want y’all to be impressed!

You should have seen us trying to act like we could afford a trip like that!

Normally, we wouldn’t consider such a trip, but this was a chance to spend a week with our son Kevin, his wife Shirley, and our brilliant, handsome, and lovable grandson—our only grandchild—Rowan. We couldn’t resist.

(BTW—does anyone know a good bankruptcy lawyer?)

The cruise went from Boston to Bermuda—where we stayed about three days—then back to Boston. But first we had to fly to Boston. Why can’t we have cruises on the Tennessee River?

Y’all should have seen our ship, Norwegian Dawn. Here are just a few of her specifications:

She…

Was longer than three football fields

Was 195 feet tall

Used, per day, 52,840 gallons of fuel and 211,000 gallons of water. I still can’t figure out how we could drink water faster than those engines could suck fuel.

In short, it was a mighty big ship.

We ate like pigs at a buffet for breakfast and at fine dining restaurants at lunch and dinner. Amazingly, the price didn’t depend on what you ordered. You could get whatever you wanted! I bet I ate more steak on the cruise than I had during the entire last year.

We saw shows, wandered around Bermuda and generally had a grand time. The ship’s 1,000-plus employees came from more than 60 countries and customer service was unbelievably wonderful.

BTW, I didn’t make a great impression on the ship. The night before we boarded and set sail, I bit into a slice of pizza and broke off not one—but two—teeth right up front. Everybody had to assume that I was a hillbilly redneck with no couth at all! Gail tried to act like she wasn’t with me and had never even met me!

Grandson Rowan was—of course—wonderful. He took part in several onboard programs for kids and even performed on stage in a show by the kids.

One of my great pleasures on ship was watching a ship that was bigger than ours park smoothly at the dock in Bermuda. Awesome! I don’t think anyone else enjoyed that as much as I did. It was akin to watching a great orchestra execute a perfect concert.

All in all, a great experience.